March 22, 2010 ranks in the top 5 hardest days of my life. That morning I woke up and for the first time in 13 weeks, I got ready for work. I had to put on my big girl pants and do what I had to do. And they were big girl pants. The week before, in anticipation of returning to work I had to go buy new pants because all the pants I had before pregnancy were too small (OK. Way too small). It was not a fun shopping trip and I just grabbed a size that I thought would fit and got the h3ll out of the store. The ended up being a little too big and I just thanked God that they weren't too small.
That day was awful. From the minute I kissed my 10 wk old daughter goodbye until the moment I had her in my arms again. I felt empty the whole day and I filled that hole with M&Ms. Seriously, I am ashamed to admit how many M&Ms I ate during those days. I was popping them like Vicodin.
1 year later and things are so different. While I still don't enjoy getting up at the crack of dawn and leaving my baby, she actually loves going to daycare and frequently rushes me out the door sooner than I would like. And truth be told, I relish my commute when I get to listen to my books on CD and have a little me time. The only books at home that I read are written by Dr. Seuss.
And the big girl pants? They got retired this weekend, when I discovered I could take them off with out unbuttoning or unzipping them. They were replaced with some smaller big girl pants and I can see a day when I'll be back in my old wardrobe.