Friday, July 23, 2010

On being judged

My husband's 25th high school reunion is this weekend. I am dreading it. Not that I don't think it can be a good time, but I cringe when I think about what the other women will whisper to each other about me. "Oh my God, did you see how fat his wife is"? "Can you believe he married her?"

Will they really be saying that? I don't know. Maybe. I probably would. We're not all so much better than we were in high school. The real problem is that I'm embarrassed. Embarrassed for me because I hate the way I look and even more embarrassed for my husband that he doesn't get to show off an attractive wife. He says he doesn't care but I do. There's nothing to be done. I can't lose 30 pounds by tomorrow. I'll just have to work with what I got and hope everyone will be sympathetic the fact that I had a baby recently (does 6 months count as recently?)

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Chip, chip, chip

I am chipping away at the weight. It seems painfully slow. It is painfully slow. I'm overwhelmed when I think of the big picture and how far I have to go. I'm keeping my eye on the small prize. Right now that is a BMI of less than 30. That will be in 9.2 pounds.

12 days into my commitment to do some form of exercise everyday for 30 days, I have missed two days. One day it was raining and I just didn't have the energy to do anything. The other day I might have accidentally fallen asleep at 8:00 right after the baby went down and not have gotten up until the next morning.

Start: 234
Jumpstart Goal 10 lbs -224
Current -15.8  218.2
Just Fat (BMI < 30): 209
Pre-pregnancy: 200
Decent: 185
Pre-wedding: 175
Comfortable: 165
PHAT!: 155

Chip, chip, chip

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


I've been on a month long bender. Well, the bender was only two weeks long, while the two weeks before that were just not good. I wasn't staying within my points and eating enough that while I wasn't gaining I wasn't losing either. Then I went on vacation and all heck broke loose...foodwise anyway. I was in the South and at my Mom's. It was a losing battle so I just gave in and enjoyed every delicious Southern offering. Krystals? Yes! Fried Chicken? Yes! Biscuits and Gravy? Yes, oh Yes!!

So when it came time for yesterday's Weight Watcher's meeting I came very close to skipping it. I didn't want to face the reality of the scale. I hadn't been in several weeks and I was going to die if I went in there and weighed 5 pounds more than I did last time. As usual, the anticipation was worse than reality. I gained 1 pound. It doesn't sound so bad but the sum total for the last month is +1 pound. That's not really very good. I guess it could be worse though. This morning I was actually down a little from where I was last time I checked in.

I'm refocusing now. I cut my points limit since my baby is starting to eat more solid foods. I'm hoping that will give me a little kick start back into things. As usual, I'll be monitoring my milk production closely and upping the calories if it starts to drop.

Start: 234
Jumpstart Goal 10 lbs -224
Current -14  220
Just Fat (BMI < 30): 209