Diet? I don't want to talk about no stinkin' diet. Things have been bad. I think I've got them figured out now but the last few weeks have been a disaster when it comes to dieting. I've been too ashamed to go to my Weight Watchers meetings which completely defeats the purpose because that accountability was supposed to keep me honest. Unfortunately, I found out that you can miss meetings without getting in trouble. Yeah, that's how I think. I'm stuck in a high school mentality in which I think I am going to get "in trouble" if I miss a Weight Watchers meeting. I'm not sure what the punishment would be. Dentention? Suspension? Or (Dear God, No) a note home to my parents!!!!! Anyway, <sigh>, my weight continues to be a struggle.</sigh><br /><br />I am still nursing the baby and I cut down my points because she is starting to eat more solids. If you are nursing full time, you get 10 extra points, if your baby gets supplements or solids you only get 5 extra points. However, since I was pumping and my baby was nursing in the middle of the night, my body didn't know I wasn't nursing a newborn. The result: absolute starvation. I would stick to my points for a day or two and then be so hungry and without control that I would binge on everything within a 10 mile radius. It was not good.<br /><br />I am cutting down on my pumping. I'm hoping that can help control the appetite some. I have mixed feelings about it, since it may result in me having to supplement with formula. Logically, I have no problem with that but still I feel guilty. I'm not just doing it for weight loss though. I still haven't gotten my postpartum AF back and my husband and I have decided that we like our baby so much we want another. Time is of the essence there.<img src="http://theblogbooster.com/pixel.gif" width="0" height="0" style="border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; " alt="" />

"That's Mommy's Thin Mint"

Here's what I don't understand. I would lay down my life for my daughter in a second, so why can't I lay down the cookie?<br /><br />As you might have gathered things aren't going great on the diet front. I mean they are horrible but I'm kind of at a stand still and have gained a little. I have been on a sweets bender for about 2 weeks now. I can't fight the sugar cravings.<br /><br />But I want to. I need to. I read another article just this morning, <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38600414/ns/health-kids_and_parenting/">discussing that increased obesity in children may be causing them to start puberty earlier, as early as SEVEN YEARS OLD!!!</a> That is crazy. We're doing everything we can to keep exogenous hormones out of her system, hormone free and organic foods, bottled water, etc but preventing her from becoming obese is solely my responsibility. I don't mean that my husband can just wash his hands of it, but nothing will influence her eating habits more than my eating habits. <br /><br />On that note, I'm going to try to eat as though I was sharing my food with Caroline at every meal. In a way I am still she is still nursing, but I wonder if I would be so quick to eat those cookies if I had to feed her half of them.<img src="http://theblogbooster.com/pixel.gif" width="0" height="0" style="border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; " alt="" />

On being judged

My husband's 25th high school reunion is this weekend. I am dreading it. Not that I don't think it can be a good time, but I cringe when I think about what the other women will whisper to each other about me. "Oh my God, did you see how fat his wife is"? "Can you believe he married her?"

Will they really be saying that? I don't know. Maybe. I probably would. We're not all so much better than we were in high school. The real problem is that I'm embarrassed. Embarrassed for me because I hate the way I look and even more embarrassed for my husband that he doesn't get to show off an attractive wife. He says he doesn't care but I do. There's nothing to be done. I can't lose 30 pounds by tomorrow. I'll just have to work with what I got and hope everyone will be sympathetic the fact that I had a baby recently (does 6 months count as recently?)

Chip, chip, chip

I am chipping away at the weight. It seems painfully slow. It is painfully slow. I'm overwhelmed when I think of the big picture and how far I have to go. I'm keeping my eye on the small prize. Right now that is a BMI of less than 30. That will be in 9.2 pounds.

12 days into my commitment to do some form of exercise everyday for 30 days, I have missed two days. One day it was raining and I just didn't have the energy to do anything. The other day I might have accidentally fallen asleep at 8:00 right after the baby went down and not have gotten up until the next morning.

Start: 234
Jumpstart Goal 10 lbs -224
Current -15.8  218.2
Just Fat (BMI < 30): 209
Pre-pregnancy: 200
Decent: 185
Pre-wedding: 175
Comfortable: 165
PHAT!: 155


Chip, chip, chip

Refocusing

I've been on a month long bender. Well, the bender was only two weeks long, while the two weeks before that were just not good. I wasn't staying within my points and eating enough that while I wasn't gaining I wasn't losing either. Then I went on vacation and all heck broke loose...foodwise anyway. I was in the South and at my Mom's. It was a losing battle so I just gave in and enjoyed every delicious Southern offering. Krystals? Yes! Fried Chicken? Yes! Biscuits and Gravy? Yes, oh Yes!!

So when it came time for yesterday's Weight Watcher's meeting I came very close to skipping it. I didn't want to face the reality of the scale. I hadn't been in several weeks and I was going to die if I went in there and weighed 5 pounds more than I did last time. As usual, the anticipation was worse than reality. I gained 1 pound. It doesn't sound so bad but the sum total for the last month is +1 pound. That's not really very good. I guess it could be worse though. This morning I was actually down a little from where I was last time I checked in.

I'm refocusing now. I cut my points limit since my baby is starting to eat more solid foods. I'm hoping that will give me a little kick start back into things. As usual, I'll be monitoring my milk production closely and upping the calories if it starts to drop.

Start: 234
Jumpstart Goal 10 lbs -224
Current -14  220
Just Fat (BMI < 30): 209

Hit me with your best shot

So I got my hair cut and highlighted on Saturday, but I don't have any pictures of it looking all beautiful and salon perfect. Why? Because it never looked perfect. It never even looked finished.

When I made the appointment, my regular stylist wasn't available. I was desperate and the time of the appointment was crucial as it had to be when Scott was available to do baby care.So I took who was available and figured that since it is a nice salon, anybody could only improve on the current state of my hair. So imagine my surprise when I hear the stylist call my name and I look up to see a woman straight out of the eighties, complete with a perm and mini-bangs. Oh God, oh God, oh God. What could I do? My southern politeness didn't allow me to do anything but get up and follow her.

We had the standard talk about what I wanted and she began the highlighting process. Now I'm not great at small talk but I do OK when the person I'm talking to is more of a talker. Unfortunately, this girl seemed to have a similar style to me so after a few awkward attempts at conversation we settled into an awkward silence. Honestly, I just didn't have the energy to make a big effort and I secretly love to just sit there and listen to all the conversations around me.

Everything was a normal haircut, she didn't try to talk me into looking like either Anne Wilson or Pat Benatar. All was well until it came time to dry and style. She asked if I wanted it straight or curly and I said it didn't matter since it was humid out and I have a hair-grabbing 5 month old so I was just going to pull it back anyway. I then said that if she wanted to do it curly, I just didn't want a lot of product in it because I don't want it to look stiff and crunchy. Now I don't know if something got lost in translation or she took a personal offense to the "cruchy hair" comment or what but next thing I know, I'm being led to the counter, with head full of wet hair. I didn't even realize what was happening until the cashier told me the cost.

I decided that it was best just to go. If I insulted her, the last thing I wanted to do was let her near my hair again. I left a minimal tip and am left wondering if I need to find a new salon or not.

Ho Hum

I'm in a bit of a diet slump. It's not a  plateau or anything like that. I'm still losing as long as I stick to the plan. It's just boredom and getting tired of the deprivation. I've been following the Weight Watchers plan for 6 weeks now and it is working well. I've lost almost 14 pounds, I'm just missing good food. I'm missing filling full. I'm missing being spontaneous about eating. Also, despite being 14 lbs down, there is no appreciable difference in my body. I'm nowhere near fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes. That's at least 15 pounds away. There is no chance of looking decent this summer. I keep slipping. Just a little, a point here, 2 points there but it is enough and will eventually have an effect on my weight loss.

I need to refocus and push hard for the next 2 weeks and then take a mini-diet break while we vacation in the Motherland (Mom's house in Tennessee). I know, I know, I should try to stick with the plan while vacationing but quite frankly I don't want to. I want to enjoy my vacation and good food is part of that enjoyment. Hopefully upon returning, I can rekindle some motivation.

HAIRCUT TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!