Update

It’s been a while. I know. Nobody reads this blog though, so really it doesn’t matter.

Quick update: Still fat, not pregnant. I’m still trying to work on both of those.

I’ll admit that weight wise, the holidays were bad. When you are an emotional eater and have a miscarriage 2 days before Thanksgiving, well you can guess how that ends. No holiday treat was left unscarfed.

This morning I weighed in at 224.4- that’s about 6 lbs up from what I lost in the spring. Worse, I’ve recently lost about 5 lbs. So I’m starting over. Will it last. I hope so but it’s the same old song and dance.

I’ve actually been working out consistently for a couple of weeks now. I’m training for a 5K in April. I was hesitant about running because of my weight but I finally decided, what the fuck. I mean, it’s worse for my knees to sit on the couch getting fatter and fatter. I’ve really been enjoying it. I have to admit though, it is a major ego hit to be back at a beginner program. I’m hoping this old body will remember how to do it and I’ll be clocking in more miles in the not to distant future. I’m trying to focus more on eating right and exercise as a means to get me in better running shape. Right now that is working as a good motivator.

We are still trying to have another baby. We’ve only had a couple of cycles since the miscarriage so there is no cause for alarm yet. I’ll gladly put any weight loss on hold if we get lucky.

Marching Forward

On this the last day of February, I am looking forward to starting a new month and setting some goals for the month.

1. Complete C25K team March Challenge
a) Run 3x per week
b) Keep in calorie range all 31 days (HUGE!!! Challenge for me)
c) Reduce waist circumference

2. Limit refined and white carbs to one meal per day 5x per week

3. Start working in some strength and yoga 2x week (I've been doing the Shred a couple of days a week but I feel like I need something more focused and less Jillian)

I think that is enough for the month. Probably more than enough but I'm going to try. I'm not setting a weight loss goal because I don't want focus too much on that. I'm really focused right now on regaining my running form and ability and losing weight as a mean to that end.

Feeling someone else's age.

When I used to exercise a lot, the one thing that never went away was being sore and tight in the mornings when I got out of bed. Then I got pregnant and stopped exercising but getting out of bed was still an ordeal for other reasons. Then I had the baby and didn't exercise and getting out bed stopped hurting.

I didn't realize that until this morning. After 2 runs and some weights this weekend, I felt it when I got up this morning. My calves were so tight as I hobbled to the nursery, I must have looke like Franstein to my daughter as I hobbled in. It bought it all back and reminded me of the one downside to running. Luckily it's not enough to stop me. In fact I kind of like it, in a sick way.

My pain was enhanced by the fact that on Saturday as I was walking into Target, carrying my daughter I tripped over a curb and fell. Since I was holding the baby I could reach out to brace or slow myself down and I turned to protect her so the left side of my body took the brunt of the fall. I was uninjured minus a few scraps and a major blow to my pride and the baby was completely unscathed, but I am a bit sore from the event.

So I started out this morning feeling 48 rather than 38 but rather than deter me, it just makes me want to get in better shape.

I'm a runner again.

So I have mentioned before that I used to run a lot. Back before I got fat there were, 5Ks, 10Ks, 10 milers, 1/2 marathons and even a marathon. But the sloth I have slipped into over the last few years has be starting back at the beginning. I'm doing the C25K program. I was afraid to try anything more ambitious. I was afraid that at my weight I wouldn't be able to even jog.

But you know what? It's been easy. The first two weeks have really been easy for me. I haven't worked up much of a sweat. I haven't been dying at the end of the running portions. I haven't been too out of breath when I'm done. I don't think this is because I am secretly fit under all my fat. It is just a great example of how much of running is mental. Yes, there is obviously a large physical aspect to it to, but for the most part putting one foot in front of the other over and over again is mental.

I broke through those mental hurdles years ago when I first started running. Back when the idea of running for 30 straight minutes was almost unthinkable. I crushed those mental hurdles when I got to mile 20 and still had to keep going for 6 more miles. One step at a time.
So now when I'm running despite being technically obese, I look at the training program and see 90 seconds and know that I can do that. I have done that.

Getting back into regular running has invigorated me. I hadn't realized how much I've missed it. I can't wait for spring and to have less pressure on my knees and the great runs that will bring. I've been bummed because the C25K program only call for 3 runs a week. It was only yesterday that it dawned on me that, d'uh, I can run as often as I want. The program is just a sheet of paper, not a law. Of course, after that revelation and looking forward to running tonight, we are expecting 50-60 mile per hour winds all evening and a run will have to wait until tomorrow (I only run outdoors. Treadmills bore me to tears.)

I pulled out my old running clothes and put them where I can see them often. They are my motivators. When I look at them I want to go run and run and run. I want to fit in them again. I WILL fit in them again!