I haven't posted much about my weight loss efforts lately. There's a reason for that. I haven't really lost any in a long time. I fell off the wagon and haven't been able to get my fat ass back up onto it yet. Seriously, have you ever tried to crawl onto a wagon when you are obese? It ain't easy.
I keep trying to figure out a fixable reason for why I am not succeeding. Breastfeeding, lack of planning, whatever, but the fact is I am stress eater. I am stressed and I don't know how to change that. I'm not stressed out by motherhood but I am stressed out by being a working mother. I just don't have time for anything!
Here's a typical workday.
5:30-7:00- get ready, get Caroline ready, get bottles, her lunch, my lunch, pumping supplies, coffee- ready.
7:00-7:20- playtime with Caroline
7:30- Drop off baby at daycare and start commute.
8:30-9:00- arrive at work sometime in this window. Usually.
Work straight through without lunch break so that I can leave at
4:15- Start commute home.
5:15-5:30- Arrive home
5:30-7:00- Play with baby, feed baby, bathe baby, help with dinner prep, eat dinner as family, put baby to bed.
7:00- 9:00- This is my "free" time. I can: clean, do laundry, exercise, spend time with my husband, watch tv, or one of the other 200 things I need/want to do with the few hours I have a day. Most nights I have to choose cleaning just to keep my house from being condemned.
I want to fit exercise in there but when you combine, exhaustion, a million other need-to-do's and early darkness it just doesn't fit in too often.
Clearly, I need a job closer to home but in this economy, in my field that is a challenge. Especially when I have to fit my job search into those 2 short hours at night.
It's not an excuse. I'm not complaining. It just is. I have never been happier or more exhausted. The stupid irony of it all is that if wasn't so fat, I would probably have the energy to lose weight.
I'm going to keep trying though. I can't give up. Today has been a good day so far and I'll keep going one meal at a time.