I'm going to change the focus of the blog some. I want to focus more on my transformation of what I am now, a fat, hot mess to more of the mom I want to be. I realized that I couldn't still be me since I was no longer the me I knew. The obvious is the physical but there are a lot of mental things I need shift as well. The physical will be the primary focus though- it's what I'm really struggling with right now. I'm going to chronicle the struggle to reclaim the physical me I used to know or whatever the best version of what I can now have is.
While my weight is huge part of what I hate about my appearance right now, it is not the only thing. Here are few of the things bringing me down, illustrated using photos of how I look right this minute.
My hair: I theoretically have great hair. It is long, thick with body and natural curl. The truth is though, I haven't had a cut or highlights in more than a year. The result of laziness. I hate spending 3 hours (yes, 3 long mother trucking hours) at the salon Unless it is freshly washed the curls look like a rat's nest, a psychotic, mom of 30 little ratlings who doesn't have time to fix up her, rat's nest. However, if I wash it everyday it becomes dry and frizzy and have you seen bride of Frankenstein- yeah, it's like that. Only scarier. The solution is to straighten it . When I flat iron it, it looks great for several days. It's a process that takes about 45 minutes. Have I mentioned that I work full time and have 3 month old? I don't have time for 45 minute hair. As a result, this is what my hair looks like today:
Obviously, the first thing I need to do is get a haircut and some color BUT it takes THREE time I’ll never get back HOURS! I have lot of hair and I’ve been to many salons and never get out in less time. I can’t do it on the weekends because for reasons no one can explain, Baby C will not take a bottle from her father. Why? She takes one from everyone else on the planet except him. So I can’t be gone for more than 3 hours or she will be starving mess. I guess I could do them in separate appointments but what a pain.
My skin: I’ve always struggled with acne but it was kept under control with birth control pills and pregnancy. Well, breastfeeding means I can’t use estrogen based BCP so I’m not really sure what to do about this until I’m done with that part of my life.
My clothes: For most of my 30’s I was a size 10-12. For about 27 minutes in early 2007 I was a size 6. I immediately went out and bought a $350 Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress and wore it exactly one time. I don’t imagine I will ever wear it again. Anyway, most of my wardrobe consists of nice clothes that do not currently fit me and I refuse to buy clothes in my current size. So today I am sporting maternity jeans (shame, shame, shame) that are falling off because, well, I’m not pregnant. Also, there appears to be a bit of dried spit-up on the sleeve. Are you jealous of my life yet?
My shoes: Shoes require an entirely separate category from clothes. They are their own special kind of fabulous and I have a huge collection. Today, I’m wearing these.
The excess weight makes it hard to wear heels right now, my feet are a little bigger since pregnancy and the main reason I am not wearing something fabulous is that I haven’t had a pedicure since January 3rd. 5 days before my daughter was born. Of course, super cute shoes wouldn’t really go with the maternity jeans and spit-up shirt and I would hate for people to think my appearance is unimportant.
OK, I confess. The clogs are comfortable and the search for the comfortable seems to rule my life right now.
I’ve got a lot of work to do to go from a hot mess to a MILF. It will require me actually putting myself first sometimes, hard enough for any woman much less a new mom. But taking care of myself will help me take better care of my family and set a much better example for my daughter. I don’t want her to think that becoming a mom is the end of your looks.
Let the fun begin.