Pre-baby to do list

Honestly, I can't even think of that much to do. With pregnancy number 1, the to-do's seemed overwhelming, but this time we already have a shitton of baby gear. We have childcare lined up. We have loads of baby crap. We have loads of feeding, nursing, etc crap. Wow, preparing for baby number 2 is a lot less time consuming than getting ready for the first one. Of course, I have about 115% less free time to prepare for this one than I did for Caroline, so I guess it all evens out.

1.  Switch my stepson  to the current nursery and turn it into a tween boy room and switch current teen boy room to nursery suitable for a toddler and an infant, possibly of different genders.

Not my actual baby room. I wish

Actually, this one makes my head hurt with the enormity of it. But it has to be done. Our house has four bedrooms but one is 2 floors below the others in the basement. Obviously, we can't put either of the little kids there and stepson isn't quite ready to be that separated from the rest of the family at night. Plus, I'm not ready to give up having a guest room. So, Caroline and the new baby will share a room for about 2 years (unless we get a new house between now and then). The current nursery is tiny and there is no way to fit two kids in there. Stepson's room is much bigger and unfair or not, he is only here part time so the switch is non-negotiable. But there is so much to do. I can't really start until I know whether we are having a boy child or a girl child and I know what to do about paint and decor, so I can keep my head in the sand about it for a couple more weeks.

The hardest part of this task with be cattle prodding DH into action...during football season. 

2. Get new furniture and bedding for new baby.

Easy enough. Just need to know the sex of this thing.

3. Clean and sanitize entire house.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. As much as I want this done, the only way it will happen is by hiring a team of industrial cleaners to come in and hose this place down. I just don't have the time or energy to tackle such a huge, futile task.

4. Buy new diapers.

My favorite task on the list. We cloth diaper and like many other cloth diaperers, I am addicted to buying fluff. I've been on the clean and sober, no fluff, wagon but now I am happily jumping off! I'm trying to be sensible though. Since I still have 5 months to go until the baby is born, I am only buying during sales or other incentive type events. I love DiaperShops.com because they always have a coupon for discounts or free diapers, but I'm trying to hold out for the really good deals. I'm also looking into renting newborn cloth diapers. If this baby is like Caroline, it won't fit into newborn size diapers past about 2 months and I'm certainly not investing in purchasing new ones, but I want my itty bitty in fluff, so rental looks like the best option. It would probably be cheaper to use disposables until it is big enough to fit in to one-size diapers, but we chose cloth diapering for reasons other than cost (though the cost savings are significant).

5. Stock freezer with meals. 

I didn't do this last time and regretted it. This time will be different. I'm hoarding recipes on Pinterest and plan to start prepping just as soon as the weather cools and it isn't a million degrees in my kitchen. Again, this all must be done with a toddler attached to my leg just to add a little extra challenge.

6. Buy boy clothes

 If it is a boy.

What else? I don't know. Spend time with Caroline? Always. Sleep? As if. Dates with husband? Whenever we get the chance. I know I must be missing a ton but for the life of me I can't figure out what it is.

1 year as a working mom

March 22, 2010 ranks in the top 5 hardest days of my life. That morning I woke up and for the first time in 13 weeks, I got ready for work. I had to put on my big girl pants and do what I had to do. And they were big girl pants. The week before, in anticipation of returning to work I had to go buy new pants because all the pants I had before pregnancy were too small (OK. Way too small). It was not a fun shopping trip and I just grabbed a size that I thought would fit and got the h3ll out of the store. The ended up being a little too big and I just thanked God that they weren't too small.

That day was awful. From the minute I kissed my 10 wk old daughter goodbye until the moment I had her in my arms again. I felt empty the whole day and I filled that hole with M&Ms. Seriously, I am ashamed to admit how many M&Ms I ate during those days. I was popping them like Vicodin.

1 year later and things are so different. While I still don't enjoy getting up at the crack of dawn and leaving my baby, she actually loves going to daycare and frequently rushes me out the door sooner than I would like. And truth be told, I relish my commute when I get to listen to my books on CD and have a little me time. The only books at home that I read are written by Dr. Seuss.

And the big girl pants? They got retired this weekend, when I discovered I could take them off with out unbuttoning or unzipping them. They were replaced with some smaller big girl pants and I can see a day when I'll be back in my old wardrobe.

Introduction

Up until January 8th of this year, I was just Laura. I had many roles: wife, daughter, stepmom, employee, etc., but my name was, Laura. On my husband's and Elvis's birthday, after 4 days of attempted labor induction and one c-section, that all changed and I took on a new name, Mommy. My daughter, Caroline, came into the world and everything that I was became secondary to what I was now. I was now a mother, that most revered role, the embodiment of femininity and all that jazz. I loved my baby instantly but I also felt an instant panic (well, after all those fantastic pain medications wore off) and realized that my life would absolutely never be the same. Oh, of course, I knew that would be the case beforehand but reality really hit home right then. No more spontaneity, no more naps, long baths, full night’s sleep, whenever sex- it wasn't the responsibility of this new life that terrified me, it was the loss of the life I knew.

I made a vow then that I would try to remain Laura while becoming Mommy. I want to prioritize my relationship with my husband. I want to maintain (regain) my appearance. I want to advance my career. I want to hang out with my girlfriends (who luckily almost all have young babies, so not too much of a challenge). I want to do all of that but I also want to be a mommy. I want to talk about my baby…a LOT. I want to spend evenings cuddling with her. I want to plaster my office with her picture and do everything in my power to make her life the best that it can be. One way to do that is by setting a good example for her. What kind of role model am I if I lose myself when I would never want that for her.

So this blog is my way of being accountable to not letting that happen. Oh there will be plenty of posts, bragging and pictures focusing on my baby, I’m only human but I hope to discuss more the ways I’m balancing my dueling identities.

Of course to indulge my Mommy side, a picture of my sweetie, Caroline Noelle and my first baby, my kitty, Sara.